Day 4

I've spent over a hundred dollars on retail therapy. Is this my way to express my sadness? I bought so many unnecessary things. Fucking splurge. Although I'm suppose to be saving. Well, I'm not thrifty at all I guess.

Your mum texted me today. And I just broke down again. I keep telling myself that this is the right thing to do. I miss your family already. I hope you're doing alright. Let me wipe your tears and tell you that everything will be okay.

Here I am trying to be strong. But when I'm all alone, the bottled up and suppressed feelings just overwhelms me. And I can't help it but cry all over again. I know I'm doing a disservice to myself for controlling my emotions. But I don't want to cry in public. Cos everything reminds me of you. Like really everything. The train, the buses, Mr Teh Tarik, the pathway EVERYTHING. Thus the best I can do is to suppress. Because if I don't, all I do is cry.

I can put up a fake front. It's not that difficult. All I have to do is compartmentalise and smile. And that's what I shall do. I love and miss you so much.

I didn't expect things to be this tough. Stay strong, Syuh. Love yourself and make everything better.